Patriarchy is not God’s Plan for Your Marriage

November 17, 2022 // 20 Comments

God intended for marriage to be between one man and one woman, but the fall of man opened the door to two evils; polygyny and patriarchy. Polygyny replaces partnership Adam’s offspring took multiple wives, a practice known as polygyny. (Polygyny is a kind of polygamy. The other kind—having multiple [...]

Is a Silent Wife a Gift from the Lord?

September 8, 2022 // 11 Comments

Recently in New Zealand, there was a job advertisement calling for a couple to manage a holiday camp. According to the ad, the ideal wife would have knowledge of Microsoft Office, know how to work the telephone, and be “of a quiet disposition.” The implication was that vocal or outspoken wives would not be [...]

Who has Authority in a Marriage?

June 9, 2022 // 5 Comments

Who has the authority in a marriage, the husband or the wife? For much of human history, the men were in charge, and their wives were considered little more than property. Strangely, Paul seems to support this archaic arrangement when he tells the Corinthians: The wife does not have authority over her own body, [...]

Are Women Weaker Vessels?

March 9, 2022 // 11 Comments

Running through the tapestry of human history is a sexist thread that says women are weaker and inferior to men. They are second-born and second-best. This is what the philosophers and rabbis taught, as did the Church Fathers and theologians. John Chrysostom said the women in the Bible were occasionally [...]

What Does 1 Peter 3:7 Mean?

January 16, 2022 // 8 Comments

A man recently asked me about a troubling verse. “My wife says my prayers are hindered because I don’t respect her enough.” He was referring to this verse: Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the [...]

How Does a Husband Act Like a Head?

November 4, 2021 // 4 Comments

Here’s a line you may have heard: “God has ordained the husband to be the head of the marriage, which means he’s in charge.” The first bit is biblical; the second bit is not. Headship, in a Biblical sense, has nothing to do with superiority or being in charge. The Greek philosophers taught that men were [...]

In Marriage, Who Takes the Lead?

September 9, 2021 // 11 Comments

If you have been raised with a traditional view of marriage, you’ve probably heard the husband is in charge. “In a marriage, the man is God’s delegated authority. He leads.” It sounds Biblical, but it isn’t. It has more in common with those sexist advertisements of yesteryear than anything [...]

Is the Husband the Head of His Wife?

June 3, 2021 // 29 Comments

Headship is revealed in sacrifice. In the same way that Christ gave himself up for the church, the husband gives himself up for his wife. He crawls through traffic, fights grizzly bears, and catches bullets for her. [...]

Equality is not the Goal

February 13, 2021 // 29 Comments

You probably know that I have written a book about women. You may be wondering about my agenda. “What are Paul’s views on gender roles? Is he a complementarian or an egalitarian? Does he support traditional arrangements where the man is in charge or does he promote equality?” Full disclosure: I believe in [...]

Why the Woman of Proverbs 31 May Not Be Your Ideal Wife

December 3, 2020 // 32 Comments

Many men and women have a mental list describing their ideal partner. “She’s got to be a good cook, enjoy watching sports, and not be a nag.” “He’s got to have a steady job, a nice car, and a mother who lives far away.” Some even invoke a Biblical basis for this sort of wish list. “Proverbs says, [...]

Submission doesn’t Mean what you Think it Means

October 7, 2020 // 17 Comments

Bad theology hurts women. Sometimes it even kills them. In his book Ten Lies the Church Tells Women, Lee Grady tells the story of a woman called Doris who suffered through an abusive marriage. Doris’s husband, the head deacon at their church, would sometimes come home from work in a rage and physically assault [...]

Who Submits in Marriage?

October 2, 2020 // 17 Comments

When Camilla and I were writing our wedding vows, my future wife told me that she had a problem with the word submit. We had dug up some traditional vows based on Ephesians 5:22: “I promise to love, cherish and submit to my husband as to the Lord.” “I’m not going to say that,” said Camilla. I didn’t [...]